Only Half my Bed is Made

 

I wonder where you are
And if you’re happier without me there
I can almost feel your laughter from the miles apart that we are
Without the weight of who I am bearing down upon you
I can sense your relief
Freed from the burden of my presence
Even in the memory of your eyes I see you’re over me and your body follows suit
Every gesture is your wave goodbye
Every touch a departure
Every kiss…the last

I lay in our bed searching for sleep
Longing to forget
Hoping to fade into an unconscious dream that is safe from the sting of knowing I am alone under these sheets
My mind refuses to pass into blackness of slumber and the unknowing of its blissful ignorance
Your absence burns a hole into an already scorched soul
My chest is caving in upon itself
Can a heart die out like a star?
Has mine already?
There is a black hole within me
It may have always been there but, it has expanded and grown darker and deeper now that you have escaped it’s pull

I convince myself that at any moment the rubbing scrape of the apartment door will sound your return
But the silence consumes me
My ears are ringing from every noise I haven’t heard you make
And I know that I will leave without seeing you
I will exit before you ever arrive
And I will depart in solitude and isolation
Even more alone than I was before in the bed we no longer share.
I hope you think of me.

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